Ever so often as a single woman, looking at married friends, colleagues and bretheren its easy to find yourself wishfully drifting away and day dreaming about your big day, the day you have yours for life... It has however come to my attention that a large number of married women (emphasis on women), would rather much have remained single, and many wish to obtain"freedom" but have the inability to leave, with the number one reason being lack of adequate financial resources; I have a different view on that which I will discuss later, firstly I thought to go back to the drawing board and sum up what constitutes to a great foundation that ultimately results in a Holy Matrimonial, as God originally designed this marriage thing! Here's what I found:
Waiting and dating - Myles Munroe
I recently wrapped up reading a book by the late Dr Myles Munroe. The book focused on shaping yourself in preparation for your future spouse. This I found, led to a question that many people, in my opinion phase from asking themselves, if at all they even think it - AM I MARRIAGE READY?
society has created certain cultural norms, and part of these is that as a woman, you NEED to be married at a specific age, irrespective of your position at the time. Being unmarried is a sign of failure, they have even go
As far as creating terms known as "Lefetwa" I'm Sepedi.
Waiting and dating suggests the following:
- We are all here, on the earth for a specific purpose
- Each person's purpose, has nothing to do with any other person
- Understand what your divine purpose is
- Once you understand your purpose, step into it and focus on it
- This will help you understand who you are & what you are here for, ultimately allowing you to decide whom and what you let into your life
The book further suggests that finding your life partner would never direct you off course, instead he/she will be more or less on the same point of your journey thus never distracting each other, instead moving along together
Intimacy corrupted - the book suggests that the fall begins at rescrambling the building blocks, confusing intimacy with sexual interaction. True and absolute intimacy is found in a friendship that has no boarderlines, that encourages oness and fuses two souls into one, once you intoduce sex before this is reached, it causes instability in the chain, as with Adam & Eve. They became ashamed and made clothes to cover their private areas immediately after disenaging the chain and disobeying God! In essence, we cannot take a spiritual thing (marriage) and confine it to wordly standards (disobedience).
I earlier mentioned that I disagree with women subjecting themselves to remaining, due to financial restriction. It is not, in my opinion as much financial restriction, as it is one, losing your lifestyle (moving back home), two lack of self worth (what will they say ) and three sacrifising yourself (failure to learn your purpose). I am by no means encouraging a split, but rather than distorting and trampling what is considered sacred I would rather go back (or in my case remain) to the drawing board than be someone I used to wish to NOT be.
The second biggest reason is for the sake of my kids, research has shown that kids are more aware and sensitive to tension and other unhealthy emotions.
My suggestion
To single (soon to be and hope to be married) women
Get so busy with your purpose that God will have to interrupt you to bring someone in your life (He had to put Adam to sleep)
Gain some standards and do not compromise your beliefs (you may have to view a million toads before getting one to kiss)
Take your time dating (don't jump into relationship mode), spend months in the friendship zone deciding wether he is a fit or not for a relationship
When you eventually date understand his intentions and let him commit by action
Reach true intimacy and save the cookie for marriage (if he leaves he wasn't going to stay anyways)
Married sisters
Be your man's friend, not mother
Remain true to yourself in a humble and submissive manner
Keep it looking good, take care of yourself
Develop boundaries
Pray with and for your man
Keep the scale balanced, whether you make money or not, a man needs to be the provider
Encourage and support your man, he is fragile
Because a lot happens and you find yourself secretly despising your man and gone beyond the point of internal forgiveness, I often suggest to my spiritual sisters a weekend retreat, alonecor with your husband at a serene place in Honeydew. The place is called Fisherman's village, it offers courses which allow you to offload all you have been carrying within you from childhood (I suggest its effective method because I have been there myself). You are given a manual upon arrive and throughout the weekend you write everything on it, which after every session you tear off into a burning bucket, symbolic of leaving it behind. In other words, no one gets to see anything you write. I have seen couples on the verge of divorce being restored!
I dream of the marriage I always have as a child, not perfect but close to it. I refuse to settle for anything less, my peace and sanity is way more treasurable that a nine carat ring with the title mrs, I am first and most accountable tothe living God before I am to anyone else, my purpose is thus of the essence I need one who can and will support, not diminish it and I too am prepared to play the same role, until then I keep viewing the toads. I'm too precious to be wasted!
Waiting and dating - Myles Munroe
I recently wrapped up reading a book by the late Dr Myles Munroe. The book focused on shaping yourself in preparation for your future spouse. This I found, led to a question that many people, in my opinion phase from asking themselves, if at all they even think it - AM I MARRIAGE READY?
society has created certain cultural norms, and part of these is that as a woman, you NEED to be married at a specific age, irrespective of your position at the time. Being unmarried is a sign of failure, they have even go
As far as creating terms known as "Lefetwa" I'm Sepedi.
Waiting and dating suggests the following:
- We are all here, on the earth for a specific purpose
- Each person's purpose, has nothing to do with any other person
- Understand what your divine purpose is
- Once you understand your purpose, step into it and focus on it
- This will help you understand who you are & what you are here for, ultimately allowing you to decide whom and what you let into your life
The book further suggests that finding your life partner would never direct you off course, instead he/she will be more or less on the same point of your journey thus never distracting each other, instead moving along together
Intimacy corrupted - the book suggests that the fall begins at rescrambling the building blocks, confusing intimacy with sexual interaction. True and absolute intimacy is found in a friendship that has no boarderlines, that encourages oness and fuses two souls into one, once you intoduce sex before this is reached, it causes instability in the chain, as with Adam & Eve. They became ashamed and made clothes to cover their private areas immediately after disenaging the chain and disobeying God! In essence, we cannot take a spiritual thing (marriage) and confine it to wordly standards (disobedience).
I earlier mentioned that I disagree with women subjecting themselves to remaining, due to financial restriction. It is not, in my opinion as much financial restriction, as it is one, losing your lifestyle (moving back home), two lack of self worth (what will they say ) and three sacrifising yourself (failure to learn your purpose). I am by no means encouraging a split, but rather than distorting and trampling what is considered sacred I would rather go back (or in my case remain) to the drawing board than be someone I used to wish to NOT be.
The second biggest reason is for the sake of my kids, research has shown that kids are more aware and sensitive to tension and other unhealthy emotions.
My suggestion
To single (soon to be and hope to be married) women
Get so busy with your purpose that God will have to interrupt you to bring someone in your life (He had to put Adam to sleep)
Gain some standards and do not compromise your beliefs (you may have to view a million toads before getting one to kiss)
Take your time dating (don't jump into relationship mode), spend months in the friendship zone deciding wether he is a fit or not for a relationship
When you eventually date understand his intentions and let him commit by action
Reach true intimacy and save the cookie for marriage (if he leaves he wasn't going to stay anyways)
Married sisters
Be your man's friend, not mother
Remain true to yourself in a humble and submissive manner
Keep it looking good, take care of yourself
Develop boundaries
Pray with and for your man
Keep the scale balanced, whether you make money or not, a man needs to be the provider
Encourage and support your man, he is fragile
Because a lot happens and you find yourself secretly despising your man and gone beyond the point of internal forgiveness, I often suggest to my spiritual sisters a weekend retreat, alonecor with your husband at a serene place in Honeydew. The place is called Fisherman's village, it offers courses which allow you to offload all you have been carrying within you from childhood (I suggest its effective method because I have been there myself). You are given a manual upon arrive and throughout the weekend you write everything on it, which after every session you tear off into a burning bucket, symbolic of leaving it behind. In other words, no one gets to see anything you write. I have seen couples on the verge of divorce being restored!
I dream of the marriage I always have as a child, not perfect but close to it. I refuse to settle for anything less, my peace and sanity is way more treasurable that a nine carat ring with the title mrs, I am first and most accountable tothe living God before I am to anyone else, my purpose is thus of the essence I need one who can and will support, not diminish it and I too am prepared to play the same role, until then I keep viewing the toads. I'm too precious to be wasted!